Maybe I'm from another planet.
Maybe I just can't seem to get anything right.
Maybe I just suck, that's all.
I think I've tried.
I think I've tried really hard.
Wait, did I try hard enough? Maybe enough is never enough.
Trying is just bullshit.
I'd rather be alone, isolated, away from everyone else. Cause it feels so much easier when you're the only person you have to face. Take me away, away from the crowd.
I hate this. For once, for once, for once, i'm starting to feel discouraged and fucked up. I'm not like that, but somehow i'm morphing into such a pathetic soul.
And why should I have to care? I don't owe anybody anything. I don't need to do this and I know it. I don't NEED to. But I don't know why I'm still feeling something in me that's telling me it's only right to do so.
I need not hide behind this facade anymore.
I need not disguise the tears.
I need not have to do this anymore.
I hate to sound effing emo.
I hate to write these kinda posts.
I hate to have to show anybody at all how I really feel.
But when all other forms of salvation fail to fufil its duty, I've got to pour those miserable feelings out somewhere, anywhere will do. Not to prove anything, not to tell any tales.
But I know at the end of the day, I'd find a way out.
And somehow, I know I'd still be able to say that I love my life.
And I do.
I know i'm not in a bad state, and neither do I think so.
I never want to think my life sucks cause I know countless beautiful things exist.
If only I was able to see through the fog and reach out for those things, I would feel better.
And it takes time.
So should I just pack my bags, leave, and live my own life?
Or tell me, should I stay.
Why won't you just tell me.
(
Edit: The performance WAS an improvement from the previous rehearsal. And for that I'm tremendously touched by the efforts put in by every single member, no matter how big or small. I really appreciate the fact that y'all put in your hearts into something you don't have to. It's the fact that you WANT to, that affirms me on the wonders of music. No performance is ever good enough. And that's why we have to keep striving. We didn't do perfect, but we can't turn back time. It doesn't matter anymore. And because we took a step forward, we deserved the three cheers. To the non-suzhou people, have an awesome rest. And to the rest of us, get y'all butts moving and start working for that gold!)
